Consider this expert advice on helping kids feel safe amid uncertainty.
Key points
- Kids respond to traumatic events with a range of emotions such as confusion, fear, anger, and sadness.
- Create a safe environment, encourage questions, use age-appropriate language, and be honest and reassuring.
- It’s important to acknowledge kids’ feelings and normalize their reactions.
I found myself glued to the television as clips of an attempted assassination on former President Trump flashed across the screen. My heart raced with disbelief and uncertainty. As I stood frozen, shocked by what I’d just witnessed, my thoughts quickly turned to the thousands of children and teens who had seen this same footage. How were they feeling? What are they thinking? How do we, as parents, mental health professionals and educators, assist children in processing the current climate of violence while helping them feel safe and protected after witnessing such a traumatic event?
Understanding Children’s Reactions
Children process and respond to traumatic events differently than adults. They may experience a range of emotions, from confusion and fear to anger and sadness. Recognizing these reactions is the first step in helping them cope. Signs of distress may include:
- Increased anxiety or fear about their safety or the safety of loved ones.
- Nightmares or trouble sleeping, which can be common after witnessing something traumatic.
- Changes in behavior, such as becoming more withdrawn or displaying increased aggression.
- Questions and concerns about the event and what it means for their world.
Initiating a conversation about such disturbing and frightening event may seem daunting, but it’s crucial. Here are some tips to guide you:
Create a Safe Environment. Ensure that your environment is calm and free from distractions. Turn away from your electronic devices. Turn off the news. Look your child in the eyes. Be open to hearing what they have to say. Monitor what your kids are watching on their social media feeds. This sets the stage for an open and honest discussion.
Encourage Questions. Invite your children to share their thoughts and ask questions. Listen actively and validate their feelings, letting them know it’s okay to feel scared or confused. Be honest about how you are feeling without overwhelming them with your anxiety. Remember less is more.
Use Age-Appropriate Language. Tailor your explanations to fit your child’s age and understanding. Younger children need simpler explanations, while older kids and teens can handle more complex discussions.
Provide Reassurance. Reassure children about their safety. Explain the measures in place to protect them and the importance of the security protocols that keep everyone safe. Discuss your family’s emergency plan. Start with what to do if there was an emergency in the home. Discuss who to call if they are separated from you or can’t reach you. Make sure you have appropriate phone numbers in their phones or written in a common place in the home.
Be Honest. It’s essential to be truthful while avoiding graphic details. Share the facts and clarify any misconceptions they might have. Just because the news cycle moves at lightning speed does not mean that your child will quickly forget about a traumatic event. Revisit a topic in a few weeks to see how they are feeling about it.
Child psychologist Daniel Siegel has offered valuable insights into helping children process traumatic events. He emphasizes the importance of “Name it to Tame it,” or naming the emotions they are feeling to help manage them. His tips include:
- Acknowledge Their Feelings. Use phrases like, “I can see that you’re feeling scared. It’s okay to feel that way.”
- Normalize Their Reactions. Help them understand that their feelings are a normal response to an abnormal event.
- Model Calmness. Children often take cues from adults on how to react. By remaining calm and composed, you provide a sense of stability.
Helping children build resilience is crucial in the aftermath of traumatic events. Encourage them to engage in activities that bring joy and normalcy. Maintain routines and offer plenty of affection and support. Encourage activities like drawing, journaling, or playing that allow children to express their emotions in healthy ways. Help your child create a quiet time to write or draw in a journal, which is an excellent way to help process, track, and release emotions and feelings.
Navigating a scary world is critical.
Navigating the conversation about this near-assassination with your children is challenging. However, by creating a safe space for open dialogue, providing reassurance, and fostering resilience, you can help them process their emotions and feel secure. Focusing on helping our children feel safe and protected in an uncertain world is a critical component of mindful parenting.
